May 08, 2022
On being a polyamorous sex worker

On being a polyamorous sex worker

And what you must know about us

A few hours before I picked up my boyfriend at the airport, I called my mother to tell her I’m polyamorous.

My mother said in her 5 (going on 6) decades of living, she has never met anyone who is in multiple romantic relationships consensually at the same time. In fact, she had never heard the term ‘polyamory’ until I came out.

Polyamory is not a new fad. Indigenous people have been practicing it for millennia. I don’t care if people’s romantic orientation or lovestyle are choices. I respect other people’s choices even if I make different choices in my life.

I identify as polyamorous and bisexual even though I’m currently practicing monogamy with a man. It’s just like how heterosexual people don’t stop being straight when they’re single. 

My lover agreed to discuss on my podcast* how sex work and polyamory intersect in people’s lives. I’ve dated monogamously as a sex worker. But some individuals equate dating a sex worker to being polyamorous.

Sex work is a job. My dad is a self-employed electrical contractor. My dad isn’t “polyamorous” with my mom because he visits women in their houses, and does whatever they pay him to do. Just like how working from home, whilst living alone, doesn’t inherently make someone monogamous.

Being polyamorous doesn’t inherently make dating a sex worker easier. If someone I fancy refused to date sex workers, I’d want them to tell me early on. Rejection hurts but it’s better than investing a decade of my life with the wrong person. Polyamorous people and monogamous people are equally as imperfect at making relationships last. That being said, most monogamous couples don’t need to seek out “monogamy friendly” marriage counselors. Polyamory friendly therapists tend to charge more per hour—which is a barrier for anyone who is financially unstable (like many sex workers). 

I was single for quite some time after I became a sex worker. Yet I know the transition from your significant other being a civilian to a sex worker is, well, significant. If you’re taken and considering joining the adult industry, I hope the transition for you and your lover(s) goes well. Sex work is dangerous–so it’s insensitive to say that the transition isn’t as significant for certain lovestyles. An uncomforting fact is: violence can happen at the workplace AND at home. This is why I encourage everyone to do background checks for vanilla dates. People dating sex workers are allowed to be concerned for their partner’s safety. Forming an emergency plan with your sex worker lover doesn’t make you less secure in your relationship. If anything, a secure partner would prioritize their and their lover’s safety–regardless of their job(s).

If I am your first exposure to polyamory, I am both sad and flattered. I’m sad that you haven’t come across it sooner. I’m flattered that I’m your first resource because I try my best to be a good educator. If your lovestyle is monogamous, I hope you learned a bunch of new things from me today. If you’re also a polyamorous sex worker, I’d love to talk with you. If you wanna share your polyamory stories with me, I’m all ears. If you’d like to tune into my podcast, here is the most recent episode on youtube**.

My name is Felicity Azura. I'm out and I'm proud. I'm out for myself and everyone who isn't ready yet.

*Pro Cuddle Hustle Podcast is on over 10 different platforms, has a facebook page, has an inactive instagram, and has a twitter. If you can, please support me on patreon.

**Video for PCH podcast episode 17
On being a polyamorous sex worker